Sadness

The feeling you have when you feel like crap cause you’re sick and like a time bomb, listening to some sad songs, I still have no clue what the hell hapend along the way, sometimes I felt like I wasn’t me like I’m another person, but even know I don’t know who I really am or what I’m fighting for I’m just sick at home with my brother, and lonely ofc cause nobody gives a shit about me, that’s why I don’t give a shit about them,

It’s like you’ve been tormented for years to have this fucking mind of a lunatic who can’t escape they’re own prison and they’re never free or never wanted for anything, always hated and bullshit cause people are stupid and needy and only 1% of them know what the hell love is the rest of them are just a bunch of idiots in my opinion cause they don’t care and if you don’t care about a person or her/his feelings ur a crappy man in my opinion, if you don’t care what they feel or how they’re doing, even tho ur fucking interested, everybody fights for themselves they only care if they have an interest or something dosn’t matter if ur broke if ur rich it’s in they’re interest they’ll do it

In my opinion “Interesting people” make things interesting not ” Interested people” there’s a fucking difference between interesting and interested

And I’m only writing this cause I’m all alone and full of self pitty, too bad I can’t be an ignorant fuck, It’s just not me sorry, so I’m writing this just cause I’m sad and lonely and most people on this earth don’t even know I fucking exist that’s a thumbs up

But I sort of feel the need to write something even if it really seems exagerated or principles of some how, maby I’ll feel better if i just say what I feel the need to say, just ignore the typos,¬† I’ve been searching for a while for something but I don’t really see anything in most of them it’s just a sense of wanting but not giving or most people are afraid of me cause I do things they can’t in fact I don’t even do much I’m so simple u won’t believe it, but most of the time i spend alone I keep thinking about this damn life and seriously I’m afraid of people too, trust issues 101, so expressing myself somewhere where people can see my post are for me quite something when I’m not dreaming the fucking life I wish I had but I just got a lame life like the other noobs out there :))

Nothing extraordinary just fancy old family stuff everyday go to work eat sleep and stuff like that, my friends are great I wish i knew where the hell they are right now but not with me actually so I have alot of them obviously, I’m a loner :))

I keep having this dream about a girl sometimes I don’t really remember but I think she’s cute, I think I had more dreams about her cause I keep thinking about her sometimes especially at night, and it kinda screws me over cause I don’t even talk to girls cause they just ignore me everytime I try

About self acomplishments I have a few but not enough I really wanna get things done but when I sit in my bed at night and day I got these not only emotional but sort of existential crisis and sometimes I have felt like dying but not really did it I just sit and wonder who the hell am I if I suffer so much in silence and wish people well when they screw me over time after time, Being a kid was awesome only pain I had was tooth problems

I know this is not related to music but I just felt the need to spell out some of my existantial crisis moments cause I’m too alone and sad, but I’ll share some videos with u guys, have fun.

 

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Missing

I miss her when i close my eyes, i see her when i wake up, she s always on my mind, even when i feel i wanna give up,

She s never there but i feel her everytime, she s the air that i breathe everytime i spit a rhyme,

I ve come so far only at the thought of her, i always wander around thinking if i deserve her

But I m an ass sometimes and think if she wants to see me, then I wonder if we could ever be,

I always try to say I m sorry for what I ve done, even tho I sort of feel the need to run, If I could I would ask her, what do I mean to her, but then again, I always wonder if she s alone

I only step ahead cause maby I ll see some light or maby a princess in desguise, but when I go back I see her again

Standing on the front porch looking at me, wondering when I m coming back from work

Maby I ll find the food that we used to have, me making coffee I hope she s glad

Hurt

I met some girls one day with a friend and I don’t know what they did to me but i have these awkard stages, like I don’t know where my life is heading and I feel like I’m floating mostly and it sort of hurts but I don’t know what they did so bad to hurt my feelings they were just some random girls I met in the mall and we chatted, one of them was pretty distant but I knew her type, the awkward one, really distant just observes, doesn’t want to get involved, acts like she dosen’t care, so I acted like I didn’t care also but I know she cared cause she said she liked a celebrity wich I knew that girl is really pretty but I never listen to her songs because she acts like a a woman who you can’t meet her standards because she thinks she can make anyone want her because she looks good, but that’s not true most women who look good think they’re standards are too high, some girl are really picky dunno why, all i fking see are couples and sometimes i get so fucking tierd of being this lonely for years it’s pretty hard to sustain a relationship but i did not even got a chance to make things up even with my exes i tried with some but it’s like they’re going crazy right now, if i could tell them something i would tell them fools you better run for you’re lives :)) just kidding i’m not that bad but some girl are really wierd i try to understand them

About one love

I met a girl today she was really like my ex girlfriend, had the same moves with hair and stuff like that and i just felt like I knew her, I didn’t talk to her when I saw her she was just sitting in a corner, looking at her phone and stuff like that, I was a bit jelous cause I didn’t have battery on my phone and that sucked, maby I’ll see a post about her next time, when I try to find her I always get a dead end, but today was like seeing a fucking angel, like she was an angel I never saw her like this before, When I was with her, I was very jelous but today it felt like I was handcuffed and couldn’t do anything, there were alot of people there and I couldn’t get jelous on somebody I don’t even know, but date, It was really stupid seeing that figure again, but I missed that look like it was the most precious thing I had, and her moves I didn’t hear what she said to the other guy but It felt so fucking stupid for him to talk to her and I watching them do that, It was like damn that’s another guy talking with my ex girlfriend even tho she wasn’t my ex girlfriend, so I couldn’t do anything but I swear if I have a girlfriend I’ll protect what is mine with everything I’ve got I’ll make anyone pay even tho it’s not they’re fault

It’s like a vengeful spirit within me, I feel like doing some pretty dumb shit for love but , love is so stupid in every single way possible, It’s like desire when you don’t even know that person literally it’s only desire but If you know them and you feel like you known them all along, that isn’t desire anymore it’s lust or something like that, When you see a person for example and you like them and you think they are cute or something, What’s the first thing you do, you tend to go to them and talk to them but why didn’t I go today and talked to that girl, am I that dumb? but I just wanted to see her I knew she wasn’t my ex because they weren’t the same person, but If i’d meet my ex and she wouldn’t run from me like I’m a fucking maniac, I’d probably tell her, that I admire her cause she put up with my stupid manners and stuff like that cause I treated her kinda bad, but was most of the time drunk when I did that, “When I feel she’s near I just wanna grab a beer”

So I think real love makes you do some stupid akward and maby just maby fanatic things in some cases or not fanatic , just extreme meajures, but I don’t advise you guys who are reading my post to do the same cause it might be bad, It’s just bad what I did to her in the first place but I was drunk and in love and jelous and she told me she loved me for 3 or 4 moths and we had a 1 year and a half relationship, that just kinda knocked me out cause I loved her the most, and the point is i cheated on my first girlfriend and it felt really bad, so cheating is bad which way you put it and i tried to teach my second gf that cheating is bad like don’t cheat don’t drink especially don’t do drugs they are the worst, a cup of coffe and maby a book i think it’s the best cure, if you’re fucking stupid and go party all night in the club with no self discipline or control then I think you’re a moron, or a moron who thinks he’s having fun but it isn’t, so I tried to teach her to be sort of just like me in a way or i tried to make her like me but I didn’t think I could handle all the responsability cause I was like 20 years old when I met her or 19 don’t remember exact.

I think I sort of consider myself a teacher in a way cause I really like to show the way cause I try to make the best possiblechoice or way even for another person, It’s like personalizing something for someone, like a gift for example which is pretty cool cause not many people can do that so handmade stuff really should sell or something like that, or even paintings, I don’t know how to paint but I can make a house on paper I think I’m in kindergarden at painting or sketching something I really think I should try to do this but dunno if I have the imagination or even time cause In my head I could do so many things and it’s really hard to decide what to do or what could make you a better person, so I write this and get some work done later,

I’ll go share a video with you guys hope you enjoy

 

Thinking

I was sitting one night and having some deep thoughts, I wrote a post about this like a week ago but I deleted it, I think it was about a person special to me that sometimes I forget about but it really changed the way I see relationships and commitment, she was like a girl U don’t expect to be with , it all started with a compliment or just a personal tackle as I would say she was a virgo and I told her virgos are like a curse or something like that like they don’t really matter or they ain’t shit and I think she got mad because, I could feel it, my ex gf was a virgo too so that’s why I said this because she cheated on me and was awful, and when we hooked up it was all good and stuff like that but the relationship was crazy, we wanted to marry and stuff like that when we were in college, cause I or we , don’t remember exactly, didn’t want to fall apart, she was making me jelous each single day or I was jelous, but before her I wasn’t the jelous type, not atall, I didn’t care about anything, so when we wanted to marry that’s when the bad stuff started happening like fights and stuff, I was really getting drunk and start arguments and stuff like that, I’ve quitted drinking since we’ve broken up, but I still drink on ocasions, but very rarely, and now I don’t feel any bad pressure it’s just fun I kinda am playful and funny when I drink now.

On the last post I had some random thoughts about life and stuff like that, like there’s a funny way things go sometimes , even if you can’t let go of someone there will always be a part of you or a part of her that there is still present with you no matter what, that, if you love her enough but if she’s just a brick in the wall it’s not for you bro

Today I was thinking about that girl again like there’s no fucking way I can forget her because I ran from home just to be with her but I guess it wasn’t enough all the sacrifice I did and I sort of lost myself in the process and I needed to get back up with my family and maby start my life all over again after all the love and girls I’ve had I remember all of them like it was yesterday and the fun and crazy times, some of them don’t even care about me but that just tells me maby they are ignoran’t and can’t handle a commitment

Anyway the chances I took were pretty good like I wasn’t a nervous kid atall now I’m sort of disturbed in a way because I had to learn all the things all over again don’t know how or why, It’s like I had to start my life again without thinking man I need a girlfriend or something.

At first I was like damn no girl deserves my effort and stuff like that I’m too cool to show an effort but if you don’t put something into it it won’t last that much but if it does good for you that means ur stupid, I’m sort of a bad guy now, I don’t treat women like I used to and I don’t really feel the need to, Now I’m like, man don’t trust that or man don’t trust this, It’s like I don’t trust nobody and it’s freaking me out cause I have to trust myself and it’s not that easy, and yeah I think I’m really crazy sometimes but I can come with some crazy shit you won’t believe what I’m talking about :))

Music is what feelings sound like

I was playing some games, and I had a pretty rough year this year kind of a combination from good and bad, but I really try to put my life back together but as soon as I get it together it falls apart real quick, like everything I try can’t get someone to listen to me cause they think they know better, but no1 wants to hear my side of view , they always tell me we did as you wanted then they do as they want, but if something affects me personally I think it’s my job to take care of me not hearing what anything else has to say about that I think it’s my life and I should dicede what to do or what do I make of it, not my dad , not my mom, no1, I don’t really have any inspiration anymore, because of all the problems I’m in and don’t really like to rhyme anymore cause, I don’t know what I’m do it for, I know it’s fun if you can rhyme It’s fun, but you have to do it with a purpose, I just wanna get my life back , the way I had it I don’t really care about anything else than that, I just wanna be free from constrain and rules, Don’t wanna be obligated to do something I don’t wanna do, and by free I mean sober cause my parents won’t let me and I don’t wanna listen to them anymore cause they are not living my life I am

Faded

This video had a pretty big impact over me since i’ve seen it, over the last couple of years i didn’t have that much fun or patying and stuff so i guess I missed most of the fun people have, but I’ve had my fun in my teen years or for about 23 years or so since i broke up with my ex, damn she was a hardass, I couldn’t get her to do anything I wanted guess I was the sucker back then, but in my highschool years I was the man dunno how but I was the shit even in my own eyes, partying alcohol, women, young and crazy but growing up it’s a pain in the ass some people never grow up, but I had to because, I guess it’s just my way, and about the video all the shit that’s here, I can’t stop thinking how many girl ” just wanna have fun” like they can’t fucking take responsability for they’re fucking actions and blame it on drugs alchol or poison, I understand drink but drink responsably not to the point where you pass out and you’re in a car with who knows what going the fuck anywhere but some of them they just wanna show off thinking a pair of tits and a good ass gets them cash or respect from men, well that’s not even close, they don’t make strong independent women anymore and if they do I think they do it wrong, a woman who respects herself don’t let others put her down or even better, don’t listen to they’re friends that’s a great think if you’re independent why do u listen to x and z telling you what to do, or saying “Hey let’s grab a drink” she should say Well it’s 1 drink or a fucking bottle getting drunk and passing¬† out, then you find you’re clothes on the floor, that’s just bitchy no1 respects that, I’m not gonna get into cheating cause I think it’s a used subject i’ve been moaning about this since i’ve been cheated on so cheating makes you worse, some girls just don’t know how to pick boyfriends so they just get dissapointed but the key is not to dissapoint at least yourself if you don’t dissapoint yourself you won’t dissapoint nobody

Bathing in air

I always wanted to make a song, but I didnt have the tools so i just put instrumentals on hoping u guys hit play and read the lyrics, that’s how i put it, If i get some programs you guys could recomend me to use, I’d be happy to try them.

I wanted to make a love song but I don’t really know how,

So I’m gonna say what’s on my mind, Cause time flies when you’re having fun

You feel like you’re having fun, but that’s not it, when you get it you might just skip it

Or make you’re heartbeat quicker, cause this music thing got me thicker

Stronger faster built to hurt, sometimes you feel like you wanna give up

But that’s not my option and I always rise up , even tho it’s rough

When it’s rough I rise up, cause the harder it gets the faster I spill my bullets

When chicks wanna bring me down I tell them I have a plan.

That’s going so well I can’t fuck up I’m made for this , that’s why I don’t give up

Loving is like fighting in a way, If you blow away the pain, the sun may rise

In your beautiful eyes, even tho you may hate me now

Don’t stray it’ll be fine, you know I don’t drink wine, or anything else

I’m just a guy who rushes the pace, when you feel like you’ve left your trace

Loving is not easy it’s full of complicated things that’s why most people don’t bring joy

They just wanna annoy, It’s kinda hard to feel, when you think you hold the wheel

Butt it’s pretty neat to say that life can bring you joy even if you annoy because many of

us think what’s right, and many of us don’t fight for what we want, we just settle for what

we get, never going further I think I deserve respect, even If i give it sometimes,

I kinda give it back, but damn girls are so wack

When you think they have enough just grab the purse

And tell the nurse you’ll get over the course

 

Kissing on the cheek got me high and all that shit

Word are fine they just comeback

When you say you think you’re shit’s wack

I’m gonna say I’m back again like there’s no time, no end

Just gonna say a rhyme, like now, how do you feel , it’s fine

This got me thinking of a new rhyme, I was gonna tell,

Nobody knows me, Or who I am, motherfuckers close me

And choose me on the frying pan

Baauer

When the music hits you there’s a feeling you ge, nothing to expect,

In this cold world I just reflect, what’s better than respect

If you don’t gave none just give some, anything is possible if you owe some

Harlem shake hot as fuck, got 2 hoes on me non stop, She wanna blow me I say stop

Girl so horny I woke up, with a pair of scissors and a towel, to drown her up

The cattle might fuck up, but I won’t give up, Laughing so hard I might just throw up

Somebody’s watching but I don’t give a fuck, I’mma have my play, there’s no way

You can get away with everything you say and don’t pay

Hands in the air it’s a fairy ray, walking this bitch in a new way

Clothes so thick bitches think I’m gay, but I’m not that way,

They’ll pay , in every way, cause fucking up is the best way to deal with this flay

Everytime I say I’m on the way I’m actually sippin rays, of the sun

Cause everytime i chew gum bitches want me to cum.

Take that, no, take this hahaha, Can’t get no better than this

Hurt you so bad and can’t get way with this, I’m so mean when you look at the screen you’ll think I’m there, actually I don’t really stare, going no where and everywhere

Dogs be chilling be aware. Music makes you feel high, everytime I rhyme there’s a new star in the sky waiting for me to fly,

Cause I’m the shit think of me when you take a bath cause I’ll be watching when you fake a cough

 

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