I was sitting one night and having some deep thoughts, I wrote a post about this like a week ago but I deleted it, I think it was about a person special to me that sometimes I forget about but it really changed the way I see relationships and commitment, she was like a girl U don’t expect to be with , it all started with a compliment or just a personal tackle as I would say she was a virgo and I told her virgos are like a curse or something like that like they don’t really matter or they ain’t shit and I think she got mad because, I could feel it, my ex gf was a virgo too so that’s why I said this because she cheated on me and was awful, and when we hooked up it was all good and stuff like that but the relationship was crazy, we wanted to marry and stuff like that when we were in college, cause I or we , don’t remember exactly, didn’t want to fall apart, she was making me jelous each single day or I was jelous, but before her I wasn’t the jelous type, not atall, I didn’t care about anything, so when we wanted to marry that’s when the bad stuff started happening like fights and stuff, I was really getting drunk and start arguments and stuff like that, I’ve quitted drinking since we’ve broken up, but I still drink on ocasions, but very rarely, and now I don’t feel any bad pressure it’s just fun I kinda am playful and funny when I drink now.
On the last post I had some random thoughts about life and stuff like that, like there’s a funny way things go sometimes , even if you can’t let go of someone there will always be a part of you or a part of her that there is still present with you no matter what, that, if you love her enough but if she’s just a brick in the wall it’s not for you bro
Today I was thinking about that girl again like there’s no fucking way I can forget her because I ran from home just to be with her but I guess it wasn’t enough all the sacrifice I did and I sort of lost myself in the process and I needed to get back up with my family and maby start my life all over again after all the love and girls I’ve had I remember all of them like it was yesterday and the fun and crazy times, some of them don’t even care about me but that just tells me maby they are ignoran’t and can’t handle a commitment
Anyway the chances I took were pretty good like I wasn’t a nervous kid atall now I’m sort of disturbed in a way because I had to learn all the things all over again don’t know how or why, It’s like I had to start my life again without thinking man I need a girlfriend or something.
At first I was like damn no girl deserves my effort and stuff like that I’m too cool to show an effort but if you don’t put something into it it won’t last that much but if it does good for you that means ur stupid, I’m sort of a bad guy now, I don’t treat women like I used to and I don’t really feel the need to, Now I’m like, man don’t trust that or man don’t trust this, It’s like I don’t trust nobody and it’s freaking me out cause I have to trust myself and it’s not that easy, and yeah I think I’m really crazy sometimes but I can come with some crazy shit you won’t believe what I’m talking about :))